swallowed by a snake picture

Grief and Desire – Excerpt

Grief and Desire,

Grief is related to desire. Desire is the source of both grief and happiness; if you have desires of any kind you will undoubtedly have grief. If your desire is met, you may find joy, and if it isn’t, there is grief. Joy and grief are brothers in a way, and if you experience one fully you will probably experience the other in its fullness. If you deny either one, you will limit the other to the same degree. If you deny your grief, you limit your joy; if you deny your joy, you limit your grief.

A man I worked with named Phil immediately saw how this related to his own life. He said, “You know, that’s why I had all those upsetting feelings at my mid-life period. I was dealing with all my unmet desires for success at work.” He remembered his fantasies of huge success, at being top in his field, and realized that when he reached mid-life he experienced the loss of the possibility of his dreams coming to fruition.

pg 8,  Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing



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Introduction to the Golden Healing Newsletter

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Introduction to Golden Healing Newsletter #7

Welcome to the Golden Healing Weekly Newsletter.  Each issue will feature a very short nugget about healing and feeling good.  It may be a question, a video, an excerpt, or a paragraph.  It will be designed to take just 1-2 minutes to digest and will hopefully bring to light some aspect of healing and then offer a quick question or suggestion to stimulate some thought, action, or discussion. 
The issues in the newsletter will focus on our everyday healing from loss and trauma.   We will not be looking at pathologies but at the normal everyday issues we all experience in working at feeling good.  What is it that helps us in feeling good?  What keeps us from this?  What can we do to maximize the enjoyment of our lives?
Each newsletter will also contain an excerpt that from my writing or a video clip from my speaking that is related to the issues being addressed.
Please feel free to offer feedback and suggestions about topics.
The first issue will be published on March 21,2016.

A Newsletter from Tom Golden on Healing and Feeling good.  Bio of Tom. Online conslts with Tom.

Tom’s newest book The Way Men Heal is available in paperback or kindle.

Tom’s original book on men and healing.  Praised by Kubler-Ross and others.  It is available in paperback or kindle.

To see things in the seed, that is genius.
Lao Tzu

Excerpt, Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing, page 7

Grief is a part of life. We are familiar with our responses to gain and celebration, and grief is the other side of that coin. Grief, simply put, is the physical, emotional, and mental responses we have to a loss of any kind. We expect grief to flow from a major loss such as the death of a friend or family member, but it can also flow in smaller amounts from ordinary, everyday losses. Such losses might be the conclusion of your favorite time of year, a holiday, or being in a traffic jam and late for an important meeting. These smaller losses are examples of what is termed micro-grief. Grief can be related to losses of childhood, such as the loss of seeing the world as a safe place, or all of the unmet expectations, thwarted intentions, or unspoken communications we might have stored inside us. When looked at in this way, we begin to see that grief is an integral part of being alive, a part of our daily living. It is woven into the fabric of life.  (buy online)

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Books & Videos


swallowed by a snake pictureTom has written two books on the topic of men and healing. The first, Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing serves as a map for men. In it’s second edition it has been a favorite of both grieving men and women for many years. Praised by and others the book offers a convincing argument for sex differences in the way we heal. Drawing on Anthropological research and clinical observation the book uses stories to tell the tale.

The Way Men Heal is a concise ebook that updates the Snake book with the latest information on sex differences in healing. The book includes examples of , and others to show the many ways that men heal from loss. This update connects the dots on the biological connections that the first book started. It goes into the impact of pre-natal testosterone and other physical differences that every man and boys should know about in order to understand their unique ways to heal.

wmhThe Way Men Heal is Tom’s new web site that houses many hours of videos on the topic of healing from loss and the masculine side.  the site features a group of videos specifically about the way men heal. This group is named the video book” due to its offering very similar material to what can be found in Tom’s newest Ebook The Way Men Heal.  Some of these videos have been taken from an international online class Tom taught on grief.  To get a sense of what you might find there you can check out an excerpt here. Join the site here.

“I find this material interesting and stimulating and feel it will fill a void in the literature about grief and gender differences. The material presents a fresh look into the uniqueness of a man’s grief in a way that both men and women will find extremely helpful.”
“Swallowed by a Snake is a much-needed contribution to the existing literature about coping with loss. Tom Golden’s skillful blend of folklore, cross-cultural analysis, and clinical advice will help both men and women understand the specific context and needs of grieving men. The path through grief is often a dark and lonely one; Tom’s work will serve as compassionate and insightful beacons to many.”
“In Swallowed by a Snake, grief therapist Thomas R. Golden compares the grieving process to finding oneself in the belly of an immense beast. What does one do there? His answer is: one must actively find new ways to live. Golden identifies a bias in contemporary psychotherapy toward feminine healing methods which revolve around intimacy and relationship. He respectfully suggests that there are significant differences between the processes of men’s and women’s healing, and proposes different healing strategies for men based on action and ritual. Drawing on findings of the mythopoetic men’s movement and grief-work in indigenous cultures such as the Dagara of West Africa and the Yolngu of Australia, Swallowed by a Snake makes a strong and original case for “healing through action” and fills a gap in contemporary discussions of men’s grief.

Reviewed by Ally Press in their publication Dragonsmoke”

“Michael Jordan’s father was tragically murdered near a North Carolina Highway in 1993. What did Jordan do to facilitate his love for his father and his healing?”
“Clapton was sent reeling into what he calls a “waking nightmare” by the sudden death of his son. Read about the action Clapton took in healing. Yes, Tears in Heaven is a part of this but not nearly the whole story”
“C.S. Lewis responded to his wife’s death by writing the now famous book “A Grief Observed.” How did Lewis’s writing help his healing? “
“The Video Book offers 14 videos totaling a play time of over 130 minutes. It offers an in depth look into the workings of the masculine side of healing.